I'm Black and I'm Beautiful!

Family Tree: Discovering Me

I have always been drawn to African American history.  I remember growing up and my grandmother telling me about relatives that had long passed away.  Apart me was a little sad because I never had the opportunity to meet these people.  Her stories left me with so many questions in which I had very little options to obtain an answer.

After talking with my co-worker, she showed me her family tree.  Her tree with went back numerous generations.  It was simply amazing to see all that history in one location.  Just seeing her family tree inspired me to embark on the journey of compiling my own family tree.  In less than one week I was able to identify 3 great great grandparents.  In addition I found out one of my great great grandparents is from the Bahamas.  I was able to find census records and even some World War I draft cards that could possibly belong to my great great uncle.  As I complied this information I was filled with pride yet sadness.  Looking at the years in which my family was born I realized they lived during times in which they were likely slaves.  Having looked at 1900 census records I discovered that anything prior to 1870 would be of little use to me since we were not identified by name on census records until the 1870s.  Prior to that we were simply identified by age and sex since we were considered property (unless you were over 100 years old).  My journey to identify my family has encouraged some of my family to help me so that we can have a central record of who we are and where we come from.

I strongly encourage everyone to embark on a journey to discover your family history.  We as individuals need to know our history and who we are.  I will return periodically to provide updates.  As always your feedback and comments are always welcome!

Men: Incapable or Afraid to Love?

One question I've asked myself lately is are men really honest with themselves when it comes to love?  We all have so many excuses as to why we are single but what if we are honest for a moment.   I've heard several men say "I've never been in love".  Well why is that?  Do you feel you are incapable of loving or deep down are you afraid?  Does the fear of being hurt force you to put this wall up that makes it impossible for you to allow someone to love you?

After several encounters and random conversations with male friends and associates within the past weeks, particularly a conversation I had today, I am more than certain you all are not as hard as you want us to think. You want love and happiness just as much as we do. There is nothing wrong with wanting to share your life with someone and wanting to be in love. Being a man doesn't mean you have to act hard all the time. Open your mind and your heart and allow yourself to actually care for someone else and I'm more than certain you will have a different perspective on life. Yes we are all afraid of being hurt but if the risk weren't so great, would it even be worth having? Loving and being in love can be the best or worst feeling in the world. There are people who search a life time just to have a taste of just being in love and being loved. So you think I'm wrong? Then just give it a try.

Love Thy Enemies

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend. -Martin Luther King Jr.

Christian, Single and Investing

Yesterday I received confirmation just hours after asking God to help me understand my situation.  To be honest I was asking God to help me understand something I already knew.   Having been single for almost 3 years, I realize that this time alone is probably one of the most significant periods for my spiritual growth.  During this period I was able to grow and develop an intimate relationship with God while grown in other areas of my life as well.  

Today I realized (deep down I already knew) that some of the people in my life are not meant to be in my life in the manner they are.  I realize its okay for me to want more in man.  There is nothing wrong with wanting him to be the man.  I love helping others and often times find it hard to say no but sometime my giving can hurt others.  If I am constantly giving to him, what incentive does he have to get it on his own? As my friend explained to me, maybe God is bringing him to that point where he'll have to act in order to move to the next level.   I cannot interfere in that.  

So ultimately that puts me on a journey of falling back and simply being a lady.  As women we may have it all together (the job, the house, the car, etc.) but I realize while we may want to give and support we have to be careful in the manner in which we do that.  If our actions prohibit men from truly being men then we have to fall back.   I realize that many will not understand this and simply do not agree but this what I feel and believe it applies to me and my situation.  So now I'm beginning anew.  Bishop Bronner preached Sunday that we should invest in our faith, family, finances, and our future.  That is exactly what I intend to do and along the way God will send the one he created just for me.  

Here's to my investment... 

Letting Go and Moving Forward

Allowing God to move in our lives will also require us to let go of somethings. Below are some words of wisdom from my sister and dear friend:
 

"Sometimes we hold on to people, places and things because we FEEL and beLIEve that nothing better will come along...or we will never replace that thing WE see as valuable. Not realizing that GOD see's us more valuable than what we're trying to hold on to. He has somethis even GREATER than that we hold in our emotional tupperware. My lesson of the season: let it go, throw it in the trash and let it stay dead. *locking my door* "-VictoriouslyMi

Friends With Benefits Part 1

While watching a Lifetime movie The Tenth Circle, topic of friends with benefits came up.  I could not help but ask myself is this arrangement really among friends and is it truly beneficial?  Is sex between two people who aren't married, or in a relationship for that matter really benefiting either party? Your physical desires may be met momentarily but then what? That desire is determined to return. What about  your emotional being? What if someone develops feelings for the others?  Are they true feelings are just effects of the relationship? What about the long term consequences?


I consider myself a christian woman who is still learning and growing spiritually.  I know I want to get married one day so the consequences of a friends with benefits relationship is not even worth it to me.  Many people fail to realize or even consider for a moment the spiritual implications of engaging in this type of relationship.   These types of relationships tie you to someone who God never intended you to be with and in a way in which you were never meant to be connected.  As a result you delay that marriage you've always wanted.  Do you think God will bring your future spouse into your life while you're sleeping around? As long as you engage in those types of relationships there is no room for your spouse.  Many people will disagree and argue that there are people that can handle that type of relationship but I really don't understand how that can make someone happy.  Why settle for sex with someone you don't love instead of spending your life with someone and having the whole package?


This has been on my mind for a while and I am just beginning to scratch the surface on this topic.


Let's discuss...